Halloween

Taking some time to reflect on the events that took place this time last year, Halloween night to be specific, and the events that followed thereafter. If you are not privy to the inside details of said events, I'll summarize: a brief but amazing whirlwind of love and lust and joy followed by an incredible and unwarranted heartbreak.

It's amazing how even the things that seem irreparable are eventually buried into the past with all the other things, and with enough time a great enough distance is put between you and them that is impossible for the pain to reach through.  Still, looking back, it feels like you should feel something, it feels important to acknowledge that you should feel something, even if only to realize that you are, in fact, still alive.

I am continuously reminded that all of life is just that: life. It is beautiful, and messy, and weird, and hard, and inspiring, and amazing, and fun, and, with any luck, bizarre. It's all a piece of the journey, another page in the book that may or may not be important to moving the plot along.  Never take anything too seriously or too lightly, but rather accept everything for what it is, even if you may not know what it is at the time.  Some things we never learn the reason behind. That's okay.

Looking back, I am glad to be where I am, and grateful for all the things.

Happy Halloween!

Nostalgic

I have had so many different lives in this life. So many pockets of invention and reinvention, lined with beautiful, bitter-sweet memories.

I have loved them all, and often miss the people and places and different versions of me.

The life I miss the most is the 2-year pocket in Kansas. I was 17, and my life was just beginning (although I didn't know it at the time). So much laughter and joy and innocent (and not-so-innocent) fun was had in college dorm-rooms and back country farm roads. 

Even though I was struggling a lot at the time to balance my emotions and survive the growing pains of self discovery, I often look back at that time as ideal. I never knew how much those dusty flatlands would take hold of my soul.

There is a version of me somewhere out there, dancing in the fields. If you see her be sure to say hi.