Haunting in an L.A. Hotel

This hotel is old, and it creaks at night.
There is a hole in the wall by the window
letting in a draft.
The L.A. air as tainted as my soul.

She says this place is haunted
and I believe her.
Sometimes the living are more haunting than the dead.

You should be here
you would love it in the morning light.
I can almost feel you next to me,
crumpling the sheets beside me
but you are miles away.

Her perfume lingers in the bathroom
alongside the ruffled towels
and cheap hotel soaps.
I can still taste her on my lips
and smell the absinthe.

There are so many things I long to say to you,
need to say to you,
but instead I whisper endlessly to empty walls and ghosts.
Sometimes it feels like I will never breathe again.

I never knew I needed you
until you left me alone,
abandoned me out in the cold with my heart in my hands in pieces.
I don't know how to live without you.
Feels like I never will.

She says this place is haunted
and I believe her.

Learning to Move On

Some days there is not much to say.
My heart is full of sounds for which there are no words.
I can feel the lines around my eyes
and I say to myself,
Baby girl, why are you so stressed out?
I do not have an answer.

This town is not the same without you,
It has lost its color,
It's vibrant appeal.
I am left to pioneer its streets alone.
I never expected not to know you,
never expected across the street
could be so far away.

All the things we felt and did and said
lost forever in obscurity.
Did I mean anything to you?
Did I dream it all and wake to an alternate reality
where I am the sole protagonist in a story I thought was ours?
Perhaps I'll never know.
Perhaps in time my heart will find the words
to tell you how I feel.
It will not make a difference.

In time my body will learn to move
through the gelatin created by the pain in my soul.
My heart will not be so heavy,
my eyes will smile along with my mouth,
My meaning will come easier,
But I will not know your name.

Soul Movement

If there is no art is your soul
then I do not dare to know you.
I do not dare to speak your name
for my lips may lose their meaning.
I do not dare to touch your skin
for my fingers may lose feeling.
I do not dare look into your eyes
for mine may stop crying.
I do not dare I do not dare
You may take something from me.
There is no life but this
there is nothing we can do
Save each other from the wreckage
of a thousand aimless ships
and hold on to our truth.

I will only speak to you
in a language you cannot understand
and you will know my meaning still
through the movement of my passions.
There is no other life but this
there is no point in trying
If there is no art for you
then there is nothing. 

Ode

You are my safe place.
You are my solace in the rain.
You are always there when I need you,
and you never speak ill of me.
You never pass judgment,
or hurt my feelings.

You are warm when it's cold out,
and cool when it's hot.
You are soft where you should be,
and hard where you're not.
You comfort me in times of sorrow,
and bring joy it times of sun.

You can go anywhere I need to be,
and never put up a fuss.
You always hold my purse for me,
and make my friends feel welcome.
I can lean on you anytime I need,
come rain, or sleet, or snowstorm.

You are the strong, silent type,
but often whisper softly.
I love everything about you,
and know you'll always protect me.
You are everything a man should be,
My beautiful King Ranch F-150.

Late

I may be in possession
of something that is half yours
and you have changed your mind.
Your feelings for me have gone
out the window like so must dust in the wind
You are not the man I thought you were
and I am broken in two
crushed by the weight of your indifference
there is no greater pain than this
abandonment in a most offensive manner
I am not well
you tell me
I am all kinds of things
But it is you, you say, not me.

You do not know me, yet
you peer into my soul
and find all the cracks you cannot live with
and spell each one out as if I were not already aware.
You are the cruelest of men
and I a fool for trusting your pretty words.
I did not pretend when I met you
to be something I was not
I do not pretend still
And it makes no difference.

You have abused the most sacred of places
found all my deepest wounds
and poured salt into them
and I will never forgive you for it
In time I may learn to forgive myself
and in that I will find solace.

Lying in Wait

Sometimes emotion can be paralyzing
frog stomps and weeds
in the backyard bushes
breezes blow through the rafters
in the attic of a mind long forgotten
a heart in constant pain
can never heal
Fuck you too
In all your high and mighty
all your pretty words
that add up to nothing
you speak and I do not hear
there is no meaning in the rhythm of your soul
I have shut you out.

All a bunch of dancing phonies
ripping beautiful things apart
with your unworthy hands
out of jealousy
or spite
or simply because you do not know
what you do
You're all stupid creatures
Stupid in your mistreatment of your fellow man
Do not breathe on me
or taint me with your air
I do not want to be like you.

One Chance

The world, as we know it, is drab
cloaked in grey
and beige
a sepia tone of what could be
lost of vibrant waves of love
and change
and passion
and soul
Killed off by the need for political correctness
and prudent ways
starved for romance
and joy
In the name of social restraint
keeping your cool
is not the solution
to keeping your soul alive.

Do you dare
to follow your heart
into an uncertain future?
I'd like to meet the man
who knows
exactly where his life will go
every step of the way.
Our footing is never guaranteed
We are never promised anything
Life can cease
without a moment's notice
and never a day too soon.

Our only choice is technicolor dreams
and actions filled with the flavor of our soul
there is no other way
Do you dare to live out loud?