Marbles

A girl will never forget the times you let her down.
She will collect them
like marbles in a glass jar
to pull out on rainy days
when she is feeling not so sure
and loot at
and say, "Look how many marbles in there."
He must not love me.
How could he?
With that many marbles.
No matter how much time passes
or how many things you do right
It won't take those marbles away.
It won't dry her tears
or erase the memories of painful nights
and lonely mornings.
of things you never did
or promises unkept.
Countless good deed can never undo
the 1,423 things you did wrong.

Office

I knew things were going downhill when they painted the walls gray,
ripped out the carpet
and replaced it with something that looks like it belongs on the seat backs of a greyhound bus.
Remodeling, they called it.
Improvements.
Doesn't it look great?
Gray walls.
Gray cubes.
Gray carpet.
Gray
Everywhere you look.
And this is supposed to boost morale?
But don't spill anything on it
or put your feet on the freshly painted walls.
They remind us to smile when we're on the phones.
"When you're smiling people can tell that you enjoy the work you do."
When you're smiling people can't feel the pain in your soul.
Smile so they know you're happy.
Smile even if you don't feel like it.
"Keep a beautiful picture of a child by the phone - any child will do."
If you don't have a child you can borrow someone else's.
And pin it on your gray cube.
Also pin the propaganda reminding you to smile
so that Leader knows he's in control.
Smile and they'll never know how much you hate this.
How you can't wait to leave.
How you joke that they have turned the building into a prison,
even more so than it was before,
no windows,
no airflow,
no sunshine,
and now gray walls,
A joke that was funny only it doesn't feel like a joke anymore.
How do I get out of here?
Help me.
But don't forget to smile.

Halloween

Taking some time to reflect on the events that took place this time last year, Halloween night to be specific, and the events that followed thereafter. If you are not privy to the inside details of said events, I'll summarize: a brief but amazing whirlwind of love and lust and joy followed by an incredible and unwarranted heartbreak.

It's amazing how even the things that seem irreparable are eventually buried into the past with all the other things, and with enough time a great enough distance is put between you and them that is impossible for the pain to reach through.  Still, looking back, it feels like you should feel something, it feels important to acknowledge that you should feel something, even if only to realize that you are, in fact, still alive.

I am continuously reminded that all of life is just that: life. It is beautiful, and messy, and weird, and hard, and inspiring, and amazing, and fun, and, with any luck, bizarre. It's all a piece of the journey, another page in the book that may or may not be important to moving the plot along.  Never take anything too seriously or too lightly, but rather accept everything for what it is, even if you may not know what it is at the time.  Some things we never learn the reason behind. That's okay.

Looking back, I am glad to be where I am, and grateful for all the things.

Happy Halloween!